It's MY Life!

Okay...Today is the giving of report cards... Well yeah I got pretty low... But I didn't get THAT low! People around me make me feel like I'm a damn idiot! I feel like a puppet!!! I guess I got pretty low for myself... But I'm no damn rocket scientist or something! I am so fed up with always being pressured to what I am EXPRECTED TO DO! Damn! The people nagging me never reached what they want me to achieve! I'd understand if they wanted me to achieve something they did!

I know my grades are kind of disappointing, my dad gets mad at me like HELL! I mean I may think he's mad but he'll say, "I'm just worried about you because it's your future. Besides I'm doing this for your own good." HELL WITH THAT! THAT IS HIS LAME EXCUSE SINCE I CAN REMEMBER! HIS DIALOGUE IS ALWAYS LIKE THAT! I am sick of all this crap he is always telling me! Okay, maybe he has a point... But I am SO SICK OF THAT! The least he can do is say it in a nice way! He is always pressuring me! ALWAYS ME!!! ALWAYS! ALWAYS! ALWAYS! HELL!!! Then he is so proud and he thinks he is such a good father! ONLY HE THINKS THAT WAY!!!

My life has always been so unfair!!! ESPECIALLY WITH HIM! I AM SO FED UP WITH HIM ALWAYS PRESSURING ME AND TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! DAMN! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE GOES MOST OF THE TIME! AND HE CALLS HIMSELF A GOOD FATHER!

WHat is so unfair is that my younger brother FLUNKS some of his subjects and so far I haven't heard him nag him! It's always my faults!!! I mean, so what if I'm the eldest!? So what if I should set the bar for my brothers?! Am I obliged to do ALL his bidding?! Am I obliged to reach the goal he wants for me?! AM I OBLIGED TO GO TO UP?! Am I the one who is suppossed to always be the best! DON'T I HAVE A SAY WITH MY LIFE?! MUST HE ALWAYS GET HIS WAY?!

DAMN! If he is so perfect then why can I point out so much of his imperfections! Sure he can say pretty stuff that is right... But he has no IDEA how I FEEL!!! HE DOESN'T FREAKING CARE!!! ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS HIMSELF!!! ALL HE CARES ABOUT ARE HIS MOTORCYCLES!!! I AM SO FREAKING PISSED!!! I need somebody right now... I want somebody to hold... I NEED somebody to comfort me and make me calm down... I feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown!!! I'M EXPERIENCING THE WORST BREAKDOWN OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!! I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT!!!

...Why'd you have to go...?...

Blue...

I'm really down in the dumps today... Irs like there is a missing part of me that I haven't found... I've been sleepin' later than usual and wakin' up earlier than I'm suppossed to... I'm starting to get eyebags now... I'm not sure why I'm so stressed... I don't really know the reason... But I'm thinking more on the lines of my grades, pressure I get fron my dad, missing someone very dear to me, and feeling alone... I feel like all my feelings are jumbled up together... And without my bhe... I'm feeling really really down... It's like I'm stooped on the lowest sadness that I have ever been in... I know words mean a lot, but do they really...? Or are they just pretty illusions for what is missing?

Tch...to those who wanna be me...

Well...lets just say I'm fed up of being copied. Well...its just pathetic if somebody tries to be someone their not, except on portrayals :P. But hey, get this. I know this girl, she is always doing the stuff I do. Try the stuff I try, and wants to accomplish what I have accomplished. AND ITS DAMN IRRITATING!!! Even in the simple things she tries to copy me. No matter what it is, she copies me. She always associattes herself to me. She says were the same, and deep inside I'm laughing my head off! I'm thinking, "Try another life to copy, you can't be me! You can't handle mine you pathetic soul." Hahaha! It ain't flattering to have somebode copy you all the time... Well I'd appreciatte it if NOBODY would copy me. I mean, GET A LIFE! And please not mine... Your nothing compared to me! I mean I know how jealous oyou are of me, and how you wanna be me, but that just can't help ya! You even try to feel as important as I am, but your not! Don't try too hard, the more you piss me off!
Your a nobody girl! :P Your just a pest! :P

Outbound lets true colors loose!

Alright... its been 2 days since outbound ed... Now the other 3 sections will have their chance to go. Outbound isn't just learning about science, history, strength or tolerance. It is also about seeing the true colors of people. During this outbound, many things happened. I see the people I can trust, the people I can't trust, the people that always rely on their partner, the people that give up easily, the people with so much pride, and the people don't care about anything but themself.

I mean, I guess I enjoyed mine... Me and my partner had fun, I guess... Except for when the water smelled...funky...Haha! Remember Nic?!

Anyways one person that I always trusted was Danica. We always helped each other from time to time. Hehe! Thanks Nic!
The people I can't trust are the people who leaves their partner behind. As in, they go with other crowds, even if they should be with their own crowds...
The people that always rely on their partner is easy to spot. They always shout out the name of their partner... As in ALWAYS!!!
The people who give up easily are the people who always say, "I can't take it anymore! I'm going home!!!" Tch...but they never do -_-...
People with so much pride are the people who "NEVER" want to see themselves getting at least a little bit of dirt.
And the people who only cares about themselves...Well...no need to explain this, right? :P

Anyways, one last thing...Thanx for the help Danica!! :P

Tch! Crap! Friendship is for what...?

tch... Damn... SO disappointed... SO pissed off... So damn angry!!! Aryt...first of all I'm pissed coz of myself. I don't need to explain why! so...damn...disappointed...But thank goodness I was pretty happy when I left school. I saw my bh3!! ^^ And I had a kulit chat with Sarah n 'Fresh' for a while.
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Anyways...
Tch...damn...I hate people that are such parasites... They give humans a bad name!! And thats mainly coz I'm human too! They make me think "Tch... How pathetic... You have an intellect but you don't know how to use it! Why is there such a creature in this earth like this?!" Tch... As Ms. Robiño would say, "Theoretically well defined, but practically impotent." Tch... so I depend on nobody!!! Yeah...nobody... Well...now...I only depend on two peeps, but not 'academically' like others... Uhm...I depend on them emotionally...They are the two peeps that give me strength... And of course my mom and brothers... They give me strength too... But I don't depend on them to do my reports, assignments, or projects... I depend on myself for that...
Some people use 'friendship' as means to get a higher grade, slack off in projects, not worry about reports. Tch! Fine! Be that way!!! I am just warning you...this'll be the start of my revenge... the cold war begiins... And I'm not having 2nd thoughts... Your going down...HARD!! No matter who you are!!!

Tch...friendship 'kuno'

Alright...I'm damn fed up with this...

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Tch... Enough feelin' pathetic for myself... Crud! Do friends really exist in this world...? Well...yeah they do... But how many real friends are there...?! Damn... I mean I try to stay in touch and be close as much as possible... But damn...talk to them...not much in reply. Smile at them...they diss you... Ask them qustions...they just smile back... Join them...they treat you like your not there... Invite them out...your only approached when needed... Wanna stay out late...they leave you alone... Do your responsibilities....they say your an airhead! Whats that?! Its like...damn...crap... Hell its so unfair... Its like your with a bunch of strangers when your with them. I mean, their attitude has totally changed plus their attitude towards you changes as well... Damn... I feel like I'm not trusted, not wanted, its like I never even knew them... What the hell is that?! Damn...knowing peeps for more than a year... And yet so much changed... Well...let me share to you a few quotes...

"You should place trust in your friends, but you can't expect someone to protect you all the time." -Auron (Now I know...)
"Memories are nice, but that's all they are." -Rikku (Yeah...)
"The future is yours to make. Live the way you want to." -Braska (I will...)
"Outside our fantasy, life can be harsh--even cruel, but it is life." -Yuna (Haha! I know that. I just hope that OTHERS do too...)

Well...thats it for now... Tch...Maybe next time again... Haha! And what have I learned from all this... Tch...why am I bothering... I mean...WHO CARES?!

[I'm not reffering it to all...But I hope some will even realize this... ALthough even if they do... Its too late... Better luck next time... Unfortunately, there ain't gonna be a next time... No second chances... My trust is hard to get the second time around... So is friendship...]

Tch... Pathetic...

Err...feeling kinda pathetic for myself... As well as crappy... I feel so plastic that I can smile even though I don't feel happy at all... Crap... Its just crap... Tch... Its human nature that when we see someone get hurt we ask..."Are you okay...?" Tch! Notice...?? Well...in my case...I know myself more than anyone... That I'm not okay... Its just that...Grr... I feel pathetic for myself... I know I'm not okay... When others ask me that... I say "Yeah, I'm okay." But I know deep within me that I am not okay... Haha! I am so pathetic right...? Ugh... even though sometimes I promise I'm okay... I bend my promise cause I know I'm not okay!!! Err...there are only two people I am perfectly honest to... That is just what others will never know... They'll just have to trust me... And I know when to trust them... It could be two groups of peeps. Or two peeps LITERALLY! I just feel like crap today... I feel like I wanna just rest for a while and stop time... I just wanna think... I wanna relax... Tch!!!
Its just wish I'd be real when it comes to bein' open... Its like...grr... I say I'm okay...but...I'm not... I hate peeps who ask me if I'm okay... Why don't they just listen to me... I always give clues to what really is on my mind... I don't say it directly... They can hate me for that... But thats who I am... I'm not perfect... But I always give clues on how I feel... Hope they know... Like this entry right here... PING PONG!!...Damn... feel like crying...

Err...yeah...by the way. To the peeps that think I am 'desperate' for attention... Well, that ain't me! Uhm...maybe its you ^^ Make issues about yourself ^^ Just make sure there ain't no loophole! :P Good luck!

What kind of boyfriend would you have?

All of your friends are jealous and you know it.
The boy is some romantic, he always can make a
rose appear out of nowhere just to cheer you
up. He often says you're his angel and always
knows how to make you blush a dark shade of
red.


What kind of boyfriend would you have?(with pics and obviously for girls^^)
brought to you by Quizilla

Groups...?

Ugh... Just feeling... I don't know... In the mood today... Here I go...again...
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Ergh...is it a crime bein' friendly...? Is it wrong to have friends? Many friends...? Many close friends??? Ugh...I just don't understand it... I'm being trobled lately...
Many things are happenin'...and theres nothin' I can do 'bout it... Many thoughts keep rushin' into my mind... Don't know why though...
I mean...I have a group of friends... The typical barkada... Then...its only now that I've realized... I really was bein' away from my barkada... I was gettin' attached to my classmates...
Then when the year was almost over...damn... I felt anger from my pals... I mean... crud...they're mad at me for bein' with other pals... Its like...WHOA!!! WHY?!
But I just realized...In our barkada...some are also like me... THey have two barkadas... Its just crap...so unfair... They even say a joke...like...one of our pals... they say they'll join us for lunch every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday... I mean...damn... WHAT WAS THAT?! And they go around jokin' about it... But sometimes whenever I talk to my close buddies...and hang out with them for a while... They get mad and say that I spend too much time with them! Thats just crap...

Sometimes even about my 'lovelife'... Ergh...sometimes they want to intrude it... I guess in a friendly way is alright... But...sometimes when they really want to 'INTRUDE' as in...really get between us... Its just damn irritating... I'm just damn confused about them lately...

BUt not all are like that...Its just that... I dunno... its so unfair... Its pissin' me off...

No permanent thing but change...

Well...err...yeah... Here I go...
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There are a few people I know... Well...actually, I consider them my friends... Haha! When we started to get along, I thought everything would be okay... Well...everything was starting to be okay... They were fun, and so KULIT to be with... I said to myself that these people would be my best pals for life... And yeah, in one point I guess they were... Then things started happening... Some things change... Not physically! I mean... by means of attitude...you know...? Sometimes without realizing it... You change... Then you suddenly think at the back of your mind, "When did I change...? What happened..." Tch... but unfortunately some people don't realize change happening... Thats whats so weird... I just don't understand it... Hmm... I wonder why some people are like that...

Like me...from quiet gurl that is easliy pushed around and hardly ever talks...(Haha! Yeah, I'm that kind gurl when I was in grade school!)
To the outspoken, friendly, kinda independent, confident gurl I now am... (Haha, gotta admit that...)

Many things changed about me... Its like I'm finally out of my cocoon... Grade school was when I was a caterpillar... 1st year was when I turned into a cocoon... And now I'm a free butterfly... I'm finally able to spread out my wings ^^ Haha! I'm being able to do what I want without being shy anymore...

But still my dislikes are the same... I still hate the FLIRTY, BITCHY, AIRHEADS, SNOBBISH, and alike... They still stir my blood... Grr... Some of the people I knew before...aren't the same... They slowly changed...though I don't remember when... I mean, I know I changed when I was in 2nd year... Haha! Now is the only time I saw change... A lot of change among my friends... Some changed for the better, some changed for the worse... And its getting irritating...

Grr...its damn irritating me... Hope they realize it and just...stay away... Grr...